(CAC General Reading 11/8/94)
OPENING MESSAGE:
This Awareness wishes to focus on the concept of stress, particularly stress in relation to entities who are in a situation in which there is no relief for the stressful events that follow day to day.
This Awareness indicates that this is especially strong among young people who have accepted burdens that they cannot adequately handle alone, who have no help from others, or very little help from others, and who find the pressure of trying to carry on their duties from day to day increasingly more and more difficult as time passes.
This Awareness indicates that this applies to many different people. It can occur for those who are older, but it is very common today for those who are in their younger years, in their 20s or 30s. This Awareness indicates the recent situation in which the mother of two boys assisted them to be drowned in her car is such a situation.
The mother herself, desired to commit suicide, because her life was more than she could endure. The pressures of her life and her children being more than she felt she could endure, she decided to commit suicide, drove toward the lake in her car with her two children strapped in their seats, but could not bring herself to drive into the water completely, to kill herself and her children.
On the third attempt, she stopped the car and got out. Her head was swimming. Her consciousness was reeling from confusion and adrenaline in excess and she simply, without thinking, released the brake and allowed the car to go into the water with her children, suddenly realizing, after it was too late, what she had done.
This Awareness indicates that it is unthinkable, totally irrational for an entity to behave in such a manner, and people all over were totally shocked and angered by her action.
This Awareness indicates if you knew how many people in this country have been very close to the same kind of situation because of the stress they experience, you would be even more shocked.
This Awareness indicates that fortunately, some of these entities stop short of that extreme behavior because — and perhaps only because — someone gave them a helping hand during their moment of despair.
This Awareness indicates it is extremely important for entities to be sensitive to one another’s stress and to help alleviate that stress when possible.
Without being sensitive, you might never recognize when a person is under stress. Things can close in on an entity financially, emotionally, socially, physically, and healthwise, so that the entity feels there is no way out, and the entity finds that death appears to be the simplest and easiest solution.
This Awareness indicates that if you are sensitive to the entity and able to help the entity through some of these more difficult times, the entity may find that everything runs in cycles, and that difficult cycles are followed by cycles of enjoyment, and that if they can get through the difficult cycle, things will change.
If you can help the person during these times of extreme difficulty, you may have actually saved their lives, perhaps even saving the lives of others. This Awareness indicates that in order to help such entities you have to be aware of them, and they may not tell you or let on that they are under great stress, so you have to see beyond the appearances.
You have to become sensitive and caring about entities who may only be casual friends or acquaintances; but if you are a sensitive person, often you can help the entity. If you are not a sensitive person, the entity may suddenly turn up dead from suicide, or from some irrational act, and you will wonder, "How did this happen? How did this person come to do that without my realizing where the person was in terms of his or her emotions?" This Awareness indicates that often you will feel guilt that an entity whom you thought you knew is suddenly the victim of suicide, or suddenly takes an action that is incomprehensible to you.
This Awareness indicates that it is important for entities to become sensitive to one another and to recognize the limits of others.
You may have a son, a daughter, a friend who is under great stress, and perhaps they express this stress they are feeling. Perhaps they lament about their problems, but instead of empathizing with them, you feel angered by them because you do not want to accept their problems. You do not want to deal with their problems. You just want to get away from them. You’re tired of hearing it.
This Awareness indicates that they would not be complaining if they didn’t need help, and perhaps, if you really cared for them, you would listen.
You should recognize their problems as perhaps being quite serious to them, and you may find that there is some little thing you can do: a small gift or a loan of money or some action you can do to help them get a break; perhaps you can baby-sit their children while they go to a movie, or do something to relieve the stress they feel; perhaps they need to go shopping but their children make it very difficult to do so.
There are various things that entities need which many others observing are not even aware of, but with some conversation, or with the act of listening, you may discover that this person just needs a little help in the right direction, and much of the stress will be alleviated for at least a week. This Awareness indicates you may find that it is something you can do without much cost to yourself.
This Awareness indicates sometimes, you may find yourself putting out more energy than you anticipated, and you may find yourself resenting the action. This Awareness asks you to consider if you yourself cannot put out this much energy to help this entity, what about the entity himself or herself? What kind of stress are they under, when they must live with this same situation day in and day out?
They only want an hour or two a week where they are free from their responsibilities. Is it too much for you to help them?
This Awareness indicates sometimes, just being a surrogate mother for them, a substitute mother, to baby-sit for their children, can be of great benefit to them, giving them a break, giving them a chance to be themselves, to let go of the heavy responsibility that comes with attending children who are demanding all the time.
This Awareness indicates that if you can do this once or twice a week, the entity may be able to handle the pressure throughout the rest of the week with no problem. It is a matter of your being sensitive and understanding to how much pressure the person is under; whether it is really necessary to give them a break, or whether they are able to handle the pressure without your help.
This Awareness indicates there are many entities who can handle more responsibility than others, but there are some entities who have taken on more responsibility than they can comfortably handle, and many of these entities will occasionally reach a point of breaking, and when they break, chaos follows.
This Awareness asks entities to become more sensitive, more aware of each other’s deeper needs and the levels of stress that entities can handle, and where they may be in terms of their breaking point.
This Awareness indicates it is not always a situation that is related to children. It can also be a situation related to health, career, emotional attachments, relationships, or other factors, but if you are sensitive, you may be able to tune in to your friend’s needs, and know that the entity is near a breaking point and that you can help to alleviate this pressure by filling in some of the entity’s needs, by doing some favor for the entity.
Whether or Not to Carry the Karma of Others
This Awareness indicates of course, you also need to be careful, because if the entity’s needs are great, the entity may also begin to devour your energies, taking them for granted and trying to make you a servant or a slave to carry and pick up karma that is theirs.
If you can do so, without great loss of your own identity, you may choose to carry the karma of others, but if it is more than you can handle, you may need to inform the person that you cannot carry their karma for them, and that they need to find someone else.
You may even help them find someone else, if it feels proper for you to do so. This Awareness suggests that entities be sensitive to one another’s needs. You cannot be everything to everyone; you cannot lose your own identity without some damage to yourself. You cannot let others devour your life, if it is damaging to you, but when you find a person you care about, you may devote your life to that entity, sharing his or her karma, caring for that entity with the same compassion you show for yourself.
When this happens it is true love. It is the kind of love that endures all things and lasts throughout a lifetime. This Awareness indicates that if you do not wish to experience true love of this kind, you may rather not get too involved with the entity. It is not your responsibility to carry another’s karma or to help them carry your karma.
This Awareness indicates, however, if you do decide to help another carry his or her karma, it may be something that is, in the long-run, extremely rewarding to you, in that you may find that kind of love that lasts throughout a lifetime. This Awareness indicates it is a matter of personal discernment and choice as to what you should do.
Don’t Be Afraid To Take a Risk
This Awareness does not wish to advise you on such matters, It wishes you to be discerning, and to exercise your own choice, to be sensitive and aware, and to understand there is always risk in every action taken that is not self-serving.
This Awareness also suggests that self-serving actions may be risky in that you may serve yourself throughout your life and never find love, never find reasons for living, never find true enjoyment in life.
This Awareness indicates nothing of great value is acquired without some level of risk. This Awareness suggests you learn to risk only that which you could afford to lose without total devastation to yourself, yet this Awareness does suggest that you not be frightened of taking a risk on things that are of great value.
USING STRESS AS AN EXCUSE TO COP OUT (Mothers Who Kill Their Own Children)
FOLLOW-UP QUESTION:
I don’t understand how people can let stressful situations interfere with their innate sense of rightness and wrongness. It seems to me that everybody is born with these senses, and that those people who use stress as a scapegoat are really just copping out.
COSMIC AWARENESS:
This is in the affirmative. This Awareness indicates there are many entities who seek to avoid unpleasant situations, they are constantly trying to escape from stressful situations. Many of these entities would easily become drug addicts, finding that drugs relieve them of certain stressful situations, or they could become alcoholics in the sense of using drink to deaden their sensitivity and feelings, or they may simply run away from responsibility.
In many cases, a man runs away from the responsibility of the wife and children. This leaves all of the stress of raising a family on the shoulders of the wife. The man has escaped. This is common in your society, for the man to escape his responsibilities by deserting the family.
When the woman, who is the mother of the children, tries to escape her responsibility to the children, and does so in a way that totally abandons the children, or in this case, allows the children to die, she is condemned far more than the father would have been for deserting the mother and children.
In a sense, the father can desert the family without great condemnation, but the mother is expected to stay with the children. In the ease of the mother who cannot desert her children or give her children to others, but who finds it within her emotional circumstances to take the lives of the children rather than to give them away, it is something that most people can not understand.
This Awareness indicates some mothers feel it is a greater service to the children to let them die than to abandon them, particularly in this case where the mother was equally willing to dispense with her own life, or almost equally willing, but this is hard for people to fathom.
This Awareness indicates, however, it is not that rare in human experience for mothers to take the lives of their children rather than to abandon them or to give them to someone else to care for. This Awareness indicates that it is not excusable, but it is a form of mental aberration or irrationality and occurs in the human entity more often than is commonly recognized.
This Awareness indicates that it is difficult for a sane person to understand, but there have been many mothers who are pushed to the brink of insanity who could very easily understand the frame of mind that a mother may enter that would allow her to destroy her own children to save them from the pain of living which she has come to be used to.
She feels that she is actually doing them a favor. It is as though she feels guilty at having brought them into life, because life is so unpleasant to her, and she thinks it also will be unpleasant to her children, and she feels she is helping to spare them the misery that she has come to realize is part of life.
This Awareness indicates she is, in other words, assuming their lives will be as miserable as hers, and therefore, thinks she is saving them from experiences of great misery.
Of course, once she has taken their lives, she knows it was erroneous and that she could have overcome her misery and she now sees a greater misery than ever before, but it is too late for her to undo what has been done.
It is a tragic situation, and entities may condemn her, and may rightly condemn her, for taking the lives of her children, but they also need to understand the insanity, the irrationality involved that led to this action on her part.
WHEN A MOTHER KILLS HER KIDS FOR ANOTHER MAN: IS THIS STRESS OR SOMETHING MORE DIABOLICAL?
FOLLOW-UP QUESTION:
On the other hand there have been numerous cases of mothers who have destroyed their children for the motivation of greed, having insured the children in several cases, and if the papers are correct in the case Awareness is using, there’s something more cold-blooded in this lady, in that she was going through a divorce, which was true, but she was also having an affair with another man, who had announced to her that he didn’t want children in his life if he was going to marry her, as she hoped. So, if that part is true, isn’t it more of an ego situation on the part of the mother rather than a stressful situation?
COSMIC AWARENESS:
This Awareness indicates that it was an emotional situation for the entity, for her emotions and loyalties were being torn as she was experiencing the divorce and departure of one who had been very close to her, and she was looking at another to fill the emptiness and the terror that she was experiencing, and having hopes and dreams that this entity would become a husband and father for her children, her emotions became very warped and confused when he said he did not wish to be a father to her children.
She then, having attached herself and her focus on this entity, began to see the children not in a sense of needing a father, but as a block between herself and this entity whom she had originally perceived as a father for her children.
The confusion that began to overwhelm her, along with the emotions that she was experiencing, caused her to feel the children were a block. It is inexcusable that she chose to rid herself of the children. The thought most likely crossed her mind when she received the letter from the entity who used that as an excuse not to come to her, not to marry her, and therefore she, like the entity Diane Downs, saw the children as being barriers between themselves and a man whom they had emotionally attached themselves to, believing they loved the man.
This Awareness indicates that this "seeing the children as barriers" led them to want to rid themselves of the children rather than acknowledge that the man was not suitable to be their husband, and that they should look elsewhere for someone else.
This Awareness is not attempting to justify the entity’s behavior in killing her children. It is, however, suggesting that entities be sensitive to one another in order to help people when they are in these extremely volatile states of mind where their emotions are near berserk, where they are about to crack up from the pressure or disturbances in their psyche.
For this Awareness indicates that one thing — one little thing — can push the entity in one direction or the other, can cause an entity to go into an insane action or a psychotic action, or it can bring an entity back and give the entity a chance to reflect clearly and help the entity to pull back from some near insane action, to regain a sense of rationality and poise in his or her life.
Be Sensitive to Others During Critical Times In Their Life
There is not much that entities can do to help others, unless they are very sensitive to the needs of others at any given moment. This Awareness indicates that those who have had friends who have caused an action that is irreversible and hazardous or damaging to others or who have committed suicide, will understand what this Awareness is saying in regard to how a little sensitivity at crucial times could have prevented this action from occurring.
This Awareness indicates that It does not wish to cause entities to feel guilt, but It does wish entities to recognize the importance of being sensitive to the needs of others, particularly the critical needs that entities may experience during those critical times or critical situations.
FOLLOW-UP QUESTION:
There’s sort of a similar incident recently in Seattle, where a husband who had been divorced by his wife, who was planning to remarry and take the children, took his two children, two little boys, and the three sat in their car in the garage with the motor running. It was a suicide attempt and the two little boys died, but the husband was revived in a hospital where he now faces double murder charges. But in this case, it was jealousy, evidently, and an attempt at revenge. Now, how do emotions like that compare with say, stress. You could say this entity was under stress, but he was also overpowered by this. Whatever jealousy is, it became a monster within him to do an act like this.
COSMIC AWARENESS:
This Awareness indicates that this is not what this Awareness means by stress, although there is stress involved.
There is also stress involved in out-and-out murder. A murderer is under stress. There are many kinds of stress. This Awareness indicates if an entity, knowing this father’s state of mind, knowing the entity was going to take his children, and that the entity was in a frame of mind where he was willing to commit suicide and where he was extremely angry and jealous of the ex-wife; a friend, being sensitive to this information, might have been able to intuitively recognize that it was a dangerous situation for the father to have the children, and might have been able to do something to prevent this. But this is very remote in the sense of an entity being that sensitive.
This Awareness asks entities to he sensitive to one another’s needs and stress, but It does not expect entities to be that sensitive. If they are, that is great, but It does not see this as being common for entities to be so sensitive as to pick up on this kind of situation. In fact, it is unlikely that a man in this state of mind would be that close to a friend, to express his intentions or his anger or his jealousy to the friend.
Most of the time when an entity reaches that kind of mental state, they are not communicating with anyone. They are simply rolling thoughts around in their head, stirring up their own emotions, becoming more and more irrational until they do something of this nature.
This Awareness indicates, therefore, It is not expecting people to be that sensitive as to pick up on someone’s irrational behavior when they are not communicating their feelings clearly, but this Awareness simply is asking that entities be more sensitive than they are and be sensitive as much as possible to the needs of their loved ones, for you may prevent suicide, or even murder.
This Awareness indicates It is not giving you an order to be sensitive enough to stop all forms of irrational behavior of other entities, It is simply making a suggestion that entities become more sensitive and attentive to one another’s needs, and It is suggesting that you can be more sensitive and attentive by observing the stress in the entity’s life.
It is not trying to excuse murderers just because they are experiencing stress, but It is suggesting that if stress is relieved, it may prevent a murder or a suicide.
STRESS COMBINED WITH JEALOUSY EQUALS MURDER
QUESTION:
Well, while we’re in this area, could Awareness discuss the subject of jealousy and possessiveness, for example, and how these emotions evidently can overpower an entity and create all kinds of tragedy?
COSMIC AWARENESS:
This Awareness indicates that jealousy in itself is not so much the problem, but jealousy mixed with obsessiveness, where one cannot let go of the jealousy, or cannot think of anything far beyond the jealousy, where the entity’s mind is constantly coming back to jealousy, is constantly suspicious and unforgiving of another, persistently focusing on jealousy, imagining things, or recognizing the reality that his or her loved one has shown some attention to others that he or she wishes had been shown to himself or herself instead.
This Awareness indicates that a degree of jealousy can be helpful to a marriage or a relationship. Some entities do not feel loved if their partner does not feel jealous when they are with someone else, and some entities find that a little jealousy in a marriage, in a relationship, is an indication of love from the other.
Some entities will even try to make their partner jealous and if a fight ensues between two entities over the partner, the person feels that their spouse or their loved one really cares about them. This is a kind of irrational action because the entity feels insecure and needs that insurance that the partner really cares. So, in some instances, a degree of jealousy between entities helps to reassure the other that the one really cares about them enough to be jealous, or even enough to fight for them.
This Awareness indicates, however, when one hasn’t a great insecurity about their relationship with their spouse and the spouse gets jealous, the entity who is not insecure often is embarrassed by the jealousy of the spouse, and often the entity finds it amusing for the spouse to be jealous because the entity knows that the jealous spouse is insecure, and the entity may play with that insecurity and enjoy making the spouse, who is insecure, even more insecure, thus teasing and making the entity more jealous repeatedly.
This Awareness indicates that in such an action, the entity can cause the jealous spouse to become more and more insecure and more and more obsessed with jealousy to the point that it becomes irrational, and the entity causing the spouse to become more jealous also begins to lose respect for the jealous spouse, and begins to see the jealous spouse as being weak, and to feel that the jealous spouse cannot live without them, and therefore has no inner strength or integrity except as a devotion to the spouse who makes him or her jealous.
This leads to further disrespect of the jealous spouse and the relationship begins to fall further and further apart, to split. This Awareness indicates that this becomes a very dangerous situation, depending on the personalities because if the jealous spouse does not have a good self-esteem, the entity could very easily become hostile toward the one to whom he loves, the one to whom he gives his love, and hostile to the entity who is showing affection to his loved one.
Thus, jealousy can be dangerous in that conflict and violence could follow. This Awareness indicates if the jealous spouse has a good self- image, it is not likely that it would lead to a highly volatile and violent circumstance, but sometimes an entity, playing with the emotions of another by making the other jealous, could actually be bringing about a violent situation, particularly if that entity whom is being made jealous does have a poor self-image and feels that he or she is being made a fool of.
This Awareness indicates that it is improper and dangerous for entities to play with jealousy to such an extreme as to belittle a spouse through using jealousy or making the spouse jealous. It is dangerous because a jealous spouse may do something irrational. It is improper because it shows disrespect for the spouse who is jealous.
This Awareness indicates, however, an occasional slight expression of jealousy is not at all damaging to a relationship and may even bring the entities closer together. It depends on the entities themselves and whether they appreciate their spouse showing jealousy, or whether they see it as a weakness on behalf of their spouse.
PROBLEMS IN BEING TOO POSSESSIVE OF ANOTHER
FOLLOW-UP QUESTION:
Is possessiveness basically the same thing when it’s accented by a spouse?
COSMIC AWARENESS:
This Awareness indicates that no entity wants to be overpossessed by a spouse, by a chosen loved one, but no entity wants to be without some sense of belonging or possession, and many entities enjoy feeling that they belong to someone and that someone belongs to them. The degree of possessiveness and the degree of desired attachment of the entities involved must be harmonious to each other for compatibility in regard to the possessiveness of each other.
This Awareness indicates that even the least possessive of people will find a certain sense of harmony at being wanted by someone and that is a matter of degree of possessiveness. Some entities will be happy if they are owned by another person, where they are so possessed that they are not allowed to speak to another person of the opposite sex, or to look at such a person with a smile. They want to be possessed totally by their loved one.
This Awareness indicates that possessiveness is simply a matter of degree of ownership. How much do you want this person to take you for granted? How much do you want this person to feel you are theirs? How possessed do you want to be by this person? How much do you have to own this person to feel comfortable? How much must you possess the person to feel satisfied? Can you feel satisfied just having the person near you, or do you have to have constant reassurance from the person that you are loved?
This Awareness indicates that it is all a matter of degree and what the entities themselves expect or want from one another.
More is Demanded When Entities Are Insecure
If entities are too insecure in their love for one another, they demand more from each other, and if one is more insecure and the other is less insecure, then the insecure person, the person with the greatest insecurities, will be more possessive of the other. Usually, this creates a dissatisfaction on behalf of the one who is not so insecure, and the entity is dissatisfied with having someone become too clinging, too demanding, too possessive, and the entity finds his or her sense of personal freedom being taken away so that the entity seeks more constantly to find freedom from this person, rather than becoming closer to the person.
Comfort In a Relationship is The Greatest Bond
The more healthy relationship finds each of the entities secure in themselves, and giving attention to each other to a degree that is not overwhelming to each other or demanding of each other, but comfortable to each other.
This Awareness wishes to emphasize comfort in a relationship as being the greatest bond that entities can have, far greater than possessiveness, jealousy or agreements or rules or demands that many entities use to bring themselves together in a relationship. If entities feel comfortable with each other, the relationship is likely to endure.
If entities must make rules for each other, if entities must make ultimatums and demands on each other; if entities must express possessiveness or threaten each other, it disturbs the comfort of the relationship, and the entities are already beginning to split from each other.
This Awareness indicates that a relationship built on comfort and affection expressed between entities, where they serve each other, this relationship is endurable and pleasant for both parties, but if entities have a relationship in which one dominates the other in a sense of master and slave, or owner and owned, or anything of this nature, where one is subordinate to the other, you are not really having a marriage, a romance; you are having an arrangement, a servant/master arrangement It is not worthy of pursuing.
The Master/Slave Relationship
Entities who experience a certain amount of slavery soon get tired, and soon want to get away. This Awareness indicates that these situations worsen as time passes and one or the other of the entities may suffer extreme consequences from the relationship. The best thing that could happen from such a relationship is that the entities separate, or that the entities start over on equal status, making each other comfortable, rather than seeing who is dominant over the other.
This is very unlikely, once a dominant/submissive relationship has begun, and it is more likely that it will need to end in separation before someone is injured permanently from the dominant/submissive type of relationship.
This Awareness indicates there is also the other type of relationship, where dominant/submissive conditions alternate between entities. One entity is dominant in certain aspects of the relationship, and the other is dominant in other aspects of the relationship, and this kind of tug- of-war type of activity may continue for months or years before the entities tire of the conflict, of the struggle, and begin to mellow in their relationship with each other so that the dominance of one diminishes in certain aspects, while the dominance of the other diminishes in other aspects and the relationship simply begins to mellow out.
This mellowing accompanies the aging of the entities more than an actual conscious effort on the part of the entities to reconcile. In other words, as the entities age, they quarrel less frequently, or the quarrels mellow out and become less intense until both entities realize it is not worth arguing about.
AFTER YEARS OF QUARRELING A MELLOWING OUT? (A Psychology Lesson From Awareness On Relationships)
FOLLOW-UP QUESTION:
Couldn’t the reduction in quarrels also be a product of the positive side of maturity and just getting a better perspective on things?
COSMIC AWARENESS:
This Awareness indicates that as the adrenals become depleted, entities will look around for some way of letting go of the need to win and they will find concepts and arguments that make them look good in their act of surrendering. Thus, they will say: "This is too immature for me to engage myself in such quarrels. I am no longer interested in these petty things," and this will make them feel that they have won, by surrendering.
This is a form of justification, and still be a winner. This Awareness indicates in other words, they can pat themselves on the back for not pursuing the effort to win, and they can feel good about themselves, even though they have given up on quarreling over things they once had energy to quarrel over with the hope of winning.
This Awareness indicates whether entities wish to call this maturing, or call it mellowing out, or mellowing with age, is a matter of how they wish to view their new-found situation. They may like to think that they have gown and matured, or they might acknowledge that they have lost the will to fight because their adrenals are weaker. Either way it doesn’t matter.
This Awareness indicates, in time, they will see that they have not as much energy as they used to have when they first learned to fight for their position. A lot of times it will be obvious that they have aged, a lot of times it will be seen that they have matured. It is all the same under different labels. Whichever is most comfortable to the entity is that which the entity is most likely to use in describing the new situation.
This Awareness indicates that one thing that generally does come from years of quarreling is that the entities learn which areas are worth quarreling over, and which lead nowhere, which areas to avoid as futile, and which areas are still worth fighting over.
This Awareness indicates that such entities in this type of relationship may find that the adrenaline over the years becomes depleted and they cannot find the energy to argue over things that once could have been extremely volatile.
This Awareness indicates that adrenaline depletion as not only being able to quarrel with the same vigor as before, but also not being able to do other things with the same energy as before, for then the adrenals become depleted, your stamina is reduced, your energy levels are weaker, and your productivity also suffers.
Years of domestic fighting can lead to further years of chronic fatigue or such symptoms.
The Psychology of Quarreling in a Relationship
This Awareness indicates that in these domestic arguments, sometimes one entity knows that the quarrel will go nowhere, but that after it is over, a reconciliation will occur and there will be more harmony and that is what the entity is after.
Other times, the entity will know that this same fight has occurred repeatedly before, over similar issues, and has not resulted in a clear victory and, therefore, it is not expected to result in a clear victory this time either, but the entity feels that he or she may still be able to get a few points and to create enough conflict in this regard, that some reconciliation or compensation will be coming from another area.
Thus, the conflict occurs, the entities end up in a situation in which there is anger between them, and this entity knows that, "Now I can ask my mate for some favor that is easy for my mate to deliver in order to have a reconciliation from me," and the entity then asks for something that would have otherwise led to an argument, but knowing that the mate would like to make up, they know the mate will give in to them on this particular issue because he or she will want to make up for the big fight that they just had.
Each entity knows the mate does not want the fight to continue for too long a period, and each knows that the timing of this fight is only good for a certain length of time, while the adrenaline flows and the emotions begin to relax and fade, and that there is a certain timing in which it is necessary to allow a reconciliation or to make a move toward reconciliation, and that if you go too long beyond that point in time, the conflict will begin to set in and cause even greater distance and coldness so that each becomes hardened in his or her position and it becomes more difficult to reconcile, and other issues are then brought up.
Fight and Make Up Keeps a Relationship Going
Entities, in other words, in their domestic quarrels over years of practice, become subconsciously capable of following certain patterns or systems of arguing so as to get each other to a point of wanting to reconcile, so that they are mutually more kind to each other than if there had not been a quarrel at all, and because they understand this subconsciously, they often start these quarrels just to get to that point where they are lovey-dovey again and able to recognize each other’s affection and give affection to each other without fear of rejection or without feeling that they have somehow been pushy in offering their affection to each other or seeking the affection of the other.
In other words, "fight and make up" becomes a subconscious way of keeping a relationship going for many entities. Other entities do not ever fight and their lives are simply like two people in a room doing activities that sometimes cross each other’s paths, but where there is a compatibility, it is more like that of a friend, much like that of a brother and sister relationship.
The Brother/Sister Type of Relationship
This Awareness indicates that for these entities that may be the more comfortable way of relating. They do not argue, they do not express great affection, but they discuss issues and situations in the same manner as a brother or sister relationship might be, and they feel comfortable with that arrangement. This Awareness indicates that many entities who want more romance are likely to quarrel and make up and experience a romantic make up.
This Awareness indicates for some entities the relationship may go for long periods of time on a kind of brother/sister type of behavior or relationship and then suddenly, and for no apparent reason, one of the entities in the situation will start acting in such a manner as to irritate the other and the irritation leads to a quarrel.
Subconsciously, what is happening is that one of the entities is tired of the unemotional relationship of a brother/sister nature and wants to change the circumstances or situation by infusing emotion into the relationship. They are actually seeking a more romantic relationship.
The person may feel ignored romantically, and want to have something happen, but rather than saying "Kiss me, I need affection," they will say something insulting to the other, to cause the other to become upset, and they will begin a conflict between themselves that eventually they expect and hope will lead to a reconciliation ant an emotional make up, where there is an element of romance between them.
This Awareness indicates in other words, when one partner or the other becomes suddenly and for little reason emotionally antagonistic or disturbing to you, rather than seeing that this person is really being a jerk or being unfair, look at the person as wanting some kind of affection, and if you wish to cut through the quarrel quickly, give the person affection, give the person a sense of importance and let the person know you care for him or her.
If, however, you wish to pursue the argument and follow through on it, be aware of where it is intended to go, so that it does not veer off into such an extreme quarrel that it leads you to consider separation or divorce when it really is a subconscious plea for unification and affection.
Most Men See Women as the Originator of the Quarrel
This Awareness indicates that men often see women as the instigators of quarrels, and cannot understand why the woman is being so hostile, or so bitchy, or so irrational and demanding. Actually, the woman is simply trying to get affection, and if the man realizes this, and gives her affection, it can save much intensity in the relationship that would be stressful to both.
In other words, if your wife is angry and it doesn’t make sense to you, perhaps she is simply asking for affection, and if you can give her a hug, a kiss, and spend some time with her, listen to what she wants to talk about, give her a little of your time, she usually becomes quite harmonious.
This Awareness indicates that likewise, with the man, if he starts the quarrel, if he is hard to speak to, if he is quick to snap at you, he may have had a very difficult situation at work or during his day he may have had an ego injury, and if you are able to talk to him, and give him some praise and affection, he may discuss with you what has happened that has made him upset. It may be that he is legitimately upset, he may have felt threatened at his job or in regard to his earning capacity or may have had some situation that disturbed or threatened his prestige or his earning power, so that he is disturbed, and it may be that he feels threatened because he loves you and wants to make sure that you are well taken care of, but that his earning power is being threatened by something or someone on the job, which could in turn threaten his ability to take care of you. If you have the patience and understanding to talk to him, you may find out that it is his concern for you that has made him snappy, and hard to speak to, and that he is not angry at you, he is angry at someone else, and is expressing it when he speaks to you.
What Men and Women Need to Gain Affection
This Awareness indicates that recognizing that most women’s disturbances have to do with their need for affection, and most men’s disturbances have to do with their prestige and sense of being a provider, should help men and women to find a way of easing each other’s frustrations so that you do not have to fall into the trap of constantly fighting in order to get your affection, or get the appreciation you need for your sense of importance.
This Awareness indicates that men need to stroke the woman when she is upset. Touch her, give her affection. Women need to show their appreciation and confidence in the man when he is disturbed and upset, because it usually has to do with his self-esteem and ability to produce what is necessary, and if he does not have self-esteem, he feels he can not be productive.
Thus, the woman, giving him the sense of self-esteem, gets him back into the frame of mind that says "I can do it. I can provide." Understanding this will help men and women attend to each other in a manner that enhances each other’s abilities and self-esteem. Each wants to be appreciated and to feel capable and worthy and each can help the other in this regard. Without such, when either feels incapable or unworthy and it is not forthcoming from the other, either entity will become difficult to get along with.
STALKING THE EX-WIFE AND FORCING SEX (The Psychology of Fixation and Obsession)
QUESTION:
One of the most common crimes we read about is the ex-husband who stalks and pursues, violates the home, attempts to have sex, often rapes, and very often ends up killing the ex-wife. This is so common that it seems like it is in the paper almost every day. I was wondering, during that rap about seeking affection on the part of the woman, how significant is this for a man, who has lived with a woman a long time, and then is divorced, and then he stalks and pursues her? What significance, if any, does the sexual relationship have, or how important is the sexual stress, if there is such a thing, in such cases that would motivate this crime?
COSMIC AWARENESS:
This Awareness indicates that men’s attitudes toward sex is quite different from that of a woman. When men have sex with a woman, it does not necessarily mean that they are compassionate; it can simply mean that they are dominant and that they want the woman to love them.
When women have sex, they usually are more willing to he compassionate, to give their heart to the man, and when they do not have affection for the man, when they do not feel compassion, they do not want to have sex.
This Awareness indicates that when a man and woman separate, if the man feels that he is rejected by the woman, he may seek to win back her affection by pursuing her, by talking to her, and by persuading her to have sex with him.
Many men seem to think that if the woman has sex with him, it means that she will take him back and love him. They do not understand that she must love him before she will enjoy having sex with him, but this is normally the case, and if a woman is hostile to a man, she does not generally want to have sex with him.
This Awareness indicates if she has mixed feelings, she may have sex with him, and then may be angry about it afterwards. This Awareness indicates that having sex with a man when you have mixed feelings does not necessarily suggest that the entity will take the man back as a husband.
Therefore, the man may have misconceptions regarding sex with his ex- wife, and the manner in which it occurs, to the point where he thinks he can force sex on her and cause her to love him.
This Awareness indicates that if he gets this into his head and pursues it with enough determination and assertiveness, he may end up raping her. For her, it is a violation. For him, it is a victory in winning her heart. This Awareness indicates that therefore, both parties are at odds with each other, but the man may think that this is bringing back his family, or bringing back his wife, and the woman may see this simply as a violation, as total disrespect to her.
This Awareness indicates it also can occur that, in the man having sex with his ex-wife and presuming that she will love him in return, he may find that it does not occur and assumes that since she does not love him, she must love someone else, and he may become the victim of love for her, rather than causing her to love him, as he had hoped, so that he not only feels he loves her, but that he must have her, and thus becomes possessive of her, and if he finds that she does not yield to that demand, then he may become more and more demanding and feel that if he can’t have her, no one else will have her, or he may feel that he must have her, that no one else has a right to her, that she is his wife, his possession, and in such aberrations, the entity may become violent and willing to risk his life or take her life, or both lives.
This Awareness indicates it all depends on the person, how intense, how fixated, and how much the entity has been teased in the relationship, and how much teasing the entity can take. Entities can get an idea in their head, become fixated on the idea to the point where they lose all touch with reality. The entity may say to himself, "I know she loves me. She just doesn’t realize it herself," and therefore, the entity pursues the relationship on that premise that his wife loves him, but doesn’t know it.
Thus, he forces himself on her. He stalks her, and he continues being obsessed with her, and when she continually resists him, he becomes more and more anxious to the point of extreme frustration and he may move into a kind of temporary insanity or psychotic state, and may indeed become violent toward her.
Hold Closely With Open Arms
This Awareness indicates that it is thus very important that entities hold closely with open arms, so that if the loved one wants to leave, the loves one knows he or she can leave, and knows also that because the arms are open, they can come back without fear of being entrapped. They can always leave, or always return, and this allows the relationship to develop on mutual affection rather than on someone’s demand or someone’s aberration of ownership, or some other situation that could become volatile and threatening to an entity.
A MARRIAGE LICENSE; NOT A DEED OF OWNERSHIP
CLOSING MESSAGE:
This Awareness indicates the Bob Dylan lyric: "I gave you my heart, but you wanted my soul," applies to this discussion.
Some entities can give their heart to another, but the other wants more. The entity wants total control, total ownership of the other. This would be a very unhealthy relationship for an entity to want to possess the very heart and soul of another entity.
To possess affection that an entity has for you is a wonderful thing. It is enough. You do not need to own the person. You do not need to own their soul. They are giving their heart to you for a period of time, perhaps an entire lifetime. You do not own the entity for any length of time beyond that to which they give their heart
However long they give their heart to you, they are yours; but they are not yours because you have a deed or a title on them; they are yours because they feel affection for you. The affection they feel for you allows them to be happy with you, and that is your bond with them.
There is no deed, there is no title. The marriage license is simply something for the state.
The true bonding between yourself and another has to do with the heart and with the affection exchanged between yourselves. This Awareness indicates it is only in the past hundred years or so that marriage has been recognized by licenses. Actually, it appears that this began early in this century. Prior to that it was recognized by church marriages that were not recorded in the state, or by the state, through licenses. This Awareness indicates that marriages were recorded simply for society to realize that you and this person have agreed to join your lives together in order to announce to society your intention, so that other entities of society would not come as suitors to either one of you, would not seek to take the wife, or would not seek to take the husband, because you have announced socially, in your ceremony, that you are now joined together as man and wife.
What a Marriage License Is Legally
This Awareness indicates that a marriage license was not a paper showing ownership, such as a deed to a piece of property; it was a piece of paper showing that the state was the owner of this marriage, and that any children born from the marriage also belonged to the state.
This Awareness indicates the ideas of a license is that the state has licensed the two of you to be married, and the state, having licensed you to be married and to bear children, also has ownership of the children.
It is something that most people do not understand, but because of this, the state has control over your marriage and over your children, if it so decides it wishes to claim control or to activate its control over you.
This Awareness indicates nowhere in this activity does it indicate that the husband owns the wife, or the wife owns the husband, or that either own the children. This Awareness indicates that with this understanding, you must also realize that the affection between you is the bond that binds you or brings you together in a harmonious relationship.
Therefore, by honoring your affection, your marriage is glued together. The state license only allows you to co-habit together legally. It does not enforce affection; and therefore, you can drift apart or separate and divorce through further efforts and appeals to the state to acknowledge your divorce. If the affection has died, you would perhaps pursue this approach.
What You Must Do If You Want Your Marriage to Endure
As long as the affection remains, you are likely to stay together. This Awareness suggests, therefore, if you wish your marriage to endure, forget the license, and focus on the affection. Forget possessiveness; focus on affection. Forget control of the other. Make yourself the object of affection, so that the other can enjoy being with you.
Give each other the pleasure and affection and comfort you both want from each other as much as possible. If one is too demanding, help the entity to see that the demands are beyond your ability to respond, and if you find the demands to be too great, you may have to start withdrawing your affection. You may naturally withdraw your affection if the demands of the other are too great, and you can inform the other that: "Those demands are hurting the relationship and are destroying my affection for you."
This Awareness indicates that clear communication in this regard may head off problems in the relationship before those demands become too strong, for if they become overwhelming, you may have no choice but to dissolve the relationship. This Awareness does not wish any entity to be bonded to another by means of coercion, of slavery, of dominance/submissiveness.
It wishes entities to belong to each other only by affection and love for each other. This Awareness indicates that, of course, there are circumstances in any relationship in which entities may find it difficult to remain loyal to each other, but this does not necessarily mean that they should separate. This means that they should assist each other in getting through the difficult times, if at all possible.
You Have the Right to Leave An Abusive Spouse
This Awareness does not suggest entities must stay together even when they are being physically, emotionally, or spiritually violated. No one should be a slave or a servant to another, or be subjected to heavy mistreatment by another. If you are put in a subservient, menial, or abusive situation, you have the right to rise up and leave the situation in any way that is legally and ethically possible.
This does not mean you have a right to destroy your abuser. If there is another way to leave the abusive situation, that is the route which you should take. You do have the right to leave an abusive situation if it does not appear that it will be cured.
You may wish to make the effort to have counseling for the abuser, but if this is not acceptable to the abuser, then you have the right to escape from the abusive situation.
(End of Reading; The Law of Gratitude is given)
