FOLLOW-UP QUESTION:
In regard to getting integrated, is there some simple test you can give yourself to see if you’re integrated properly?
COSMIC AWARENESS:
This Awareness indicates that the best way is to look inward and see if you can find a center for yourself, and if that center is one, or if it feels split as though there are two aspects of yourself that are constantly vying for control. If you feel there is a center, a central source within yourself, you are most likely integrated. If you feel there is a conflict within yourself and part of you wants this, part of you wants that, you are more likely to be somewhat splintered or not integrated.
This Awareness indicates that Ouspensky also once described the many “I’s” — the I or individuality of a person; he described these many I’s as being symbolized by the Greek goddess Medusa that the snakes forming the head of Medusa were the many individualities of her being, and that each of these various snakes thought of itself as her, and as the individuality, but when one would say something, or make a statement or stand, another would interrupt and put forth its statement or stand.
For example, when one of your selves says: “I will awaken at 5:00 in the morning, get up and get my work done early,” that self is satisfied and then goes to bed, goes to sleep, but when the alarm goes off at 5:00 in the morning, another self says: “No, this is much too early. I’m not getting up now,” and shuts the alarm off. Another may awaken shortly thereafter and say: “I’ve got to get that work done. I should get up.” Still another will argue: “No. It can wait. It’s waited this long, it won’t hurt to wait longer. I’ve got to get my sleep.” Still another may argue: “Let’s give it another 30 minutes.” And after 30 minutes, the alarm goes off again and another argument of one self against the other occurs, and finally, the entity can’t sleep any longer and gets up, but the entity wants to go back to bed, wants to sleep some more, and even though he or she is up, he is still arguing with himself about whether he should be up or should be in bed, whether he should go to work or nurse his need for more sleep, and thus the entity is constantly arguing with self against self, one self against the other.
This entity is not integrated. This entity is not individualized. This entity is torn between shoulds and should nots. The shoulds and the should nots are controlling the entity. “I should do this, I should do that.” And all of these conflicts indicate the entity is lacking in integration, does not have himself or herself individualized.
This Awareness indicates that It does not mean that an individualized or integrated person will not ever have conflicts, but It means that the conflicts will not be between yourself. The conflicts will be related to external matters, whether to choose this or to choose that, and the external questions will be solved by the one self within you. You will not be arguing with yourself, whether you should do this or should do that, as though there were two parties.
This Awareness indicates another way to put it: Your want, your goal, your purpose will seem to be unified within yourself and you will be at one with yourself in terms of purpose, direction and desire, so that you are not arguing as to whether to be a fireman or whether to be an accountant or whether to be a child, or to remain in school or to drop out.
You will look within, integrate yourself into what you want in your life, and you will gradually center your energies toward some acceptable direction and purpose and then gradually you come together as an individual, and you know yourself. This Awareness indicates still another way to express this is through the word “integrity.”
“Integrity” — Another Name for Integration
You have certain principles, certain values that you accept as being you, and you do not let things break those values, just because it is pressured upon you to compromise and break your values or to please someone. If the outer world begins to shift you around and turn you over and make you over and bend you over, you probably are not at peace with yourself. You probably are not satisfied with who you are and therefore, you may not be integrated completely.
This Awareness also wishes to inform you that integration is not simply something that happens or doesn’t happen. It is a process that takes time and occurs gradually over a period of time, where you gradually become more and more integrated as a being which is yourself.
This Awareness indicates Ouspensky described entities who were forming their individuality and mentioned that for example, a robber might learn to concentrate on his purpose by sitting behind a tree for 10 or 15 or 20 hours or even several days, waiting for the stage to come by so that he could rob the stage, and how this took much integration for this entity to be so disciplined in his purpose, but also, he pointed out, that because this is a wrong purpose, he would have to unlearn everything he had done, undo all that discipline in order to correct himself and develop an integrated being that was more spiritually healthy with a purpose that was more meaningful and valuable, so that even if you do create an individuality, if the individuality is on the wrong path, you have simply hindered your growth and spiritual path and must undo what you have done before you can get back on course.
